The Kept Child

A few words of my most treasured woman, her love and I……

“I stood there tilted to the corner of the old door, listening as she spoke and tears of joy just kept rolling down my cheeks. I waited there cherishing those little moments of happiness as they both prepared to sleep for the night…… "

Family: it’s a 6 letter word which means the world to most of us, and for me its life’s source of all strength and wisdom and being a part of it has been one of the greatest blessings ever gifted to me from above. I cherish every single moment spent and there is nothing more joyous than to know that you’re the safest in this world when you’re within your family. Erma Bombeck, a famous poet and author once said “The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together….” And looking back on her words, being a part of such a family has been a journey well blessed.

It’s been well over 18years my Mother left out of town and when I look back I still remember that day when I was that little 13 year old trying to bring down her bags to the waiting taxi. It was a heart felt moment to know that mummy is not going to come back for a while. She was leaving to Delhi for her law job and she had no other choice than to accept the offer and get her posted there. I saw dad holding on to her and crying as they both reached the last step down to the gate. My sister was just 2½ years old and was busy playing with her toys while I hugged mum and cried her for a tight hug and bid goodbye.

All these moments flashed through my mind while I kept looking at the sweet family picture stuck on my wardrobe door. Distance and time haven’t cracked my family out of its faith or happiness, we still hold on and I know we will for a long time to come.

I love my mother a lot and just like any other son, I look up to her as my most priced possession. She is someone who stood up for me and believed in every step I took in my life. Being married at 18 and bearing a child by 19 and still managing to study and educate herself to what she is today is a strength I surprise myself with and I always think of the hardships and struggle she had gone through before seeing what I am today. Deep inside I always know that without her, my life wouldn’t have been the same. Even though my mom often visited home while she was posted away from home, she made sure that the children always were in the right path for a better life. She never made compromises in delivering us the best and the best alone.

It was late afternoon when my dad and I were busy discussing about my future plans when he told me that he was disappointed of me spending time in India. He told me that he always wanted me to settle in Canada and not here. So that he can see me well settled and can brag about me and my well living to all his family and friends. But I for some reason never loved being away from home; I was always more of a home bird. My soul belonged to home and nothing but here and I never ventured too far away from it. I never felt looking myself as a well settled millionaire in some part of the west. My love and my heart belonged here, a place I call home, a place my very own. Once my dad found out that he could no longer persuade me on settling abroad, he muttered and left me alone and walked off to his room.

Mom had come for a week’s vacation and wanted to go out and enjoy the city as much as possible but dad didn’t share much of her excitement and kept ignoring her request with some excuses or the other. So we both gather up and geared up for the ride. I told her that I will take my sports bike and she can hold me tight during the curves, she grinned and made herself ready. We had a ride of our lives, while we rode in the drizzling rain and I showed her around the city, we did shopping, ate ice creams, saw a movie, walked the beach and even sang as we rode back together in the wet city roads. We reached home that night, just to find that dad was super furious that we had come so late home and that we didn’t pick up his calls…. We both just smiled our way inside the house and vanished into our rooms.

That night, while I was pondering over the happy outing I and mom had, I was hearing faint voices from my parent’s bedroom and I looked up to the clock; the time was 1am in the middle of the night and I was wondering what were they discussing so deeply in the middle of the night. I slowly got up from the bed and moved on towards their room. The door of their bedroom was slightly open and I could hear the voice of my mom trying to explain something to my dad, and I slowly tilted myself to the old door and silently listened to her conversation……

My dad was telling her that he was disappointed that I am not leaving abroad and that am wasting my time in this nation where nothing is near to perfect, he was trying to explain to her on the opportunities and the goodness in living in a country like Canada. At some point he spoke about my mom’s best friend and he said “Did you look at her son, do you know where he is?, he is in Chicago, do you know where he works ?, he works for Ericsson… Do you know how much he earns a month?, It’s $7000.. Do you know what car he has bought recently?, a Chrysler 300M, he has been so intelligent that has been sent to Sweden for training in their R & D Division…. Why doesn’t our son try any of this, why doesn’t he realize that living there is a dream come true and he can live and buy what ever he wants in his life. Your son is wasting his life here and not only is he doing that but he will never understand the value of richness in life ever if he doesn’t settle there and live his life. Just see how your friend brags about her son, she is so happy and she keeps telling laurels about him every time I see her. When am I ever going to enjoy saying this to other people about my own son… When is this dream going to be a reality for me ?

And listening to all of this, my heart was turning sour. How do I make my father understand that my love and soul belongs here and no where else, while I was musing over his feelings, I looked at my mom’s face in that dim night light. She held my dad’s palm and she started to speak…… I listened to every word she uttered there on.

And she said:

Well I know your heart is low that he is not what you wanted him to be, but let me tell you something which as a mother I am truly blessed with. As a mother, am enjoying the finest affection and love a son has to offer and am being pampered in ways no mother has ever imagined? I shall just tell you about today and I will let your heart decide what is right or wrong with your son. Today I had the pleasure of riding with my son, sitting tall and holding him tight, I had a sense of joy to see that years before this little one who didn’t know how to cycle is now taking me on a ride on his very own sports bike and every bend he took, I enjoyed with outmost cheer, because nobody has even taken me like that. As we walked in the shopping mall, I leaned closer to have a look at the bag I liked but when I saw the price I thought I’d rather move on; but he held my hand and took me inside and made sure I come out of the shop with that bag in my hands. We sat in the ice cream shop joking and yapping about a few incidents and happily enjoyed every dip of our spoons till the whole shop had none to spare. The last I was allowed to run in the rain was while was a little girl, and today after all these years I sat behind in the bike and with open arms enjoyed the rain as he drove his bike on that empty highway zooming across the lines….. I so badly wanted to go to the beach, and he walked me down the whole beach holding my hand so that I don’t slip and fall. As we crossed a big banner of a famous movie, he stopped by and asked me if I liked to watch that movie, and when I said yes, he ran across and took me to that movie, and that movie was so amazing, we both loved it and wanted to just sit there and never come home…..

She looked at my dad’s eyes and said : I love my son, he is with me, for I don’t know how long he would be with me, but for now he is…. And he loves me with all his heart and I know I don’t have to search him out with phone numbers, I don’t have to cry to a photo in which he stands there with the Statue of liberty at his back, am just happy he’s right beside me, I don’t have to feel bad that he is going out with some crazy Afro-American girl by his side in Chicago, but I can see him here fall in love, right in front of my eyes, I don’t have to wait for you to come and take me to a mall and buy me a bag which I otherwise would have forgotten, he takes me in his very own little car and his sports bike, I don’t have to sit down alone and long for a cup of ice cream before I make up my mind that it is not good for health, I just have to ask him and he gets me the one I love the most. I don’t need a millionaire son to spend fortunes on me, I know he earns out of his hard work and will spend on anything I ask for, I don’t have to wait for a DVD just because I can’t get out of home to a theatre, I just have to tell him which movie I like, I don’t have to worry about his spending, I don’t have to worry about what or where he eats as long as I know he only eats at home. And most of all, when I need my son, I can call him, I can touch him, reach him and hug him tight. I don’t have to stand in those long queues outside the Embassy for a visa to go meet him, when he gets married, I can hold his child and grow old with them, And if something happens to me, he will rush me to a hospital rather than me waiting alone to die before an ambulance arrives at our house and when am about to die, you don’t have to keep me refrigerated in a cold box for him to arrive from the States, I can just lie on his lap and breathe my last….. I have my Son with me, this is something which I am blessed to savor and relish for a lifetime, its something which my friend seldom enjoys. I couldn’t possibly want for anything more…..

My dad just gave a very long smile after he heard to all what my mother had to say and they both hugged and got ready to cuddle into their sheets in the bed. I don’t know what was running in my dad’s mind that night, but am sure he felt the love and warmth a mother feels is certainly immense than anything else this whole world could ever offer and its so exceptional that few realize the untold value of a true mother’s love.

"The clock struck twice as I stood there tilted to the corner of the old door, listening as she spoke and tears of joy just kept rolling down my cheeks. I waited there cherishing those little moments of happiness as they both prepared to sleep for the night……"


vidhu said…
Its been a week a spoke to mom after a small arguement n i know we both miss each other like mad... Am jus gonna hug her tight n sleep tonight as if today's my last night in this world !!!

Mom is always special and this very simple thought is what i have for not even tryin for a onsite opportunity... nothin like being at home :)

i jus have few lines to say to ur mom dear..
" LUV U "
Nithya said…

“Understanding” things in depth and simply “knowing” them are two entirely different ideas that are miles apart. And if you look around, VERY FEW can differentiate between the two.
It is not possible for God to be on earth and hence he substituted his presence with a “mother”. Nothing here, alive on earth can be as beautiful as she is and no relationship can replace the one which she shares with her children – the unconditional love that she showers, the unparalleled affection and the flawless care!
Arguments, difference of opinions, etc. are a common sight in any family. It is human to do all these and living together, tightly bound, despite all odds is what defines a good family. Trust builds a strong foundation for any relationship, devoid of which it wouldn’t work at all!
Well… it is not necessary that whatever our parents choose for us would always be right. Every individual is different and unique by himself, has his own dreams, likes, dislikes, et al. Understanding that my son/daughter is an individual and has his/her own life to live and letting the person be, trusting his/her choices and decisions is the most important!
I have more than one reason to like this post of yours. Believe me or no, I can absolutely relate to what you say – “…my love and soul belongs here and no where else…” I too believe in the same thought and share the feeling; so much so that I strictly told my mother never to send me off far away…I wouldn’t go! No matter, how much ever good it would bring to me! I wish to be close to my family and with them whenever they need me! I would NEVER leave them at anyone else’s disposal!! Every bit that your mother’s said is immensely beautiful and true! Being away, earning more money are fancy things in life … but they are not even remotely close to the definition of a ‘necessity’. At the end of the day, it’s all about how one feels being with your loved ones! This joy cannot be replaced with nothing!
Your mother, for the wonderful person that she is, is a beautiful blend of a child’s innocence and an adult’s maturity. She is the pillar of your family’s support and strength! The bond you share with her is far beyond something that can be penned!
I pray – may that beautiful bond get stronger as each second passes! May her understanding of you increase as you survive every situation and win her confidence! May her love for you get deeper as every emotion is ‘understood’ and not just simply ‘known’!
Isha Bagaria said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hotcakes said…
what a very heartening and inspiring post.

i cant wait to have a family of my own.

but i just probably wouldn't take it if I have to be away from my husband during the times we will be already together.
im in a long distance relationship and, when my bf and i get married. i wont LDR to go back again :D
Zena said…
WOW! wordsworthy, I don't even know where to begin.......thank you for sharing this!!
As I read this V, so heartfelt ,TRUE (hmm mothers know!!) I cried.-------iMEAN NOT FROM GREIF BUT...HMMMM I CRY EASILY AND I LAUGH ALOT!! -Both come naturally to me., more so after motherhood. The joy and love I feel being a mother is indescribable at times------it makes me cry!. I could go on rambling and its my pet topic................a emo one !!

"I love you, very much, whole bunchins, lots and lots, sweet dreams, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, see you in the morning, night night babe, mama darleeeeng! we each give kisses, one on each cheek, nose,forehead, rub noses and big hugs. It's the little things, which are big things to us that mean the most,Well, thats my SON-Shine boy Eshaan who is 8....

When Esh was 8 months old i too faced the winds of change (Thats one helluva story!!)........but; Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction.......mothers, seem to have the ability to know their children with uncanny accuracy.(Havent figured it out-----mother just ""Knows"!!). There is a connection that bypasses logic and reason.What made your mum understand your choices to stay "home" ----- is commonly referred to as mother’s intuition and it can empower a parent with almost phenomenal abilities. There are no "fixed" formulae!!.......Yet, it is as prevalent as the common cold........ASK MUM! the longest journey your mother possibly made ( leaving young children).as did most is the 18 inches from her heart (STAY WITH MY BABIES) to her head A mother always thinks twice. once for her children.then for her family as a whole. Is that what your mum did that day ?

In the present---- hyper speed lives@ new, better, different, and faster (at a rate that would’ve made our ancestors faint), we as mothers have a chance to take a stand for an "ordinary life". This life can feed our soul, but in order for it to do so, we have to recognize that everything is not equally important. We must sit with the paradox of going away to BE THERE FOR OUR KIDS!! knowing how much it matters for us to use our gifts to make a difference for the child we add to the human race......

Its 6 am and its time for my treat!I love waking up to a warm-puppy bundle, wiggling over to my side of the bed and hearing him breathlessly whispering "You looked like you needed to snuggle."........oh! so you dint sleep you'll probably ask me? hmmmm i dint. How?what ?WHY ?WHEN??----- I have my answer.Eshaan. I love the fact that there is only the truth and what's in front of him............. Being a mother forces you to live in the present moment. Learning the true meaning of unconditional love. The mysteries, the surprises. Being greeted when you walk in the door from work every day with such joy and excitement. Being a mother challenges you in every way, it brings you to your edge, it tests your strength, courage and patience. It takes you to your edge and builds strength. It allows to be a child again in moments. It allows you to appreciate the simple things in life. It allows you to laugh more and not take yourself so seriously. Being a mother reminds you of who you are in the eyes of the beholder. It's magical and humbling.
---------Eshaan's Mama Darling!!

ps--------As Mothers , We don't raise heroes,we raise sons. And if you treat them like sons,
they'll turn out to be heroes...even if its just in our own eyes..--------------------I am joyous mum (Multiskilled- MIRACLE- Worker!! so is YOUR MOTHER!!

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