When Do You Really Matter?

"There comes a point in our lives when we realize who really matters, who never did and who always will"

Travelling alone sometimes for work, I drive a 100 miles through cities, beaches and mountains. The views are great, I enjoy those sunsets, the birds flying over and the the drive by itself.

Every now and then, I think about the people who would be missing me while am away, a few souls who'd always wonder and worry where I am now.

How many times, have we in our lives tried to think, how much do people love us? Do they love us for who we are, or do they love us for what we are to them. What matters is how much do we matter to them. How much to the ends of the world would these people be willing to go for us. Who are these people anyway; our family, our siblings, friends or strangers. I never had a 100 friends, but have had a very few who have changed my life in its due course, I'd say that these were the people who molded by life eventually to who I am now. Tweaking my life to the very ways I am used to now, I always feel thankful for meeting them. Some of them I still hold hands and talk to.

But there are some who have moved on, and there are some who are going away. Where do they go, why do they go away is a big question in my mind. Why they came into my life is question I don't have answers to, or may be I just don't want to answer it. They came in for a reason and I loved what they did for me, for I wouldn't have survived without their presence. But in the due course of time, I start to love them unconditionally, get used to their love, their affection and suddenly when time changes and I feel they are straying away from me, I feel a sudden essence of pain churning in my heart. Why are they going when they know how much they mean to me? Don't they know that I love them unconditionally and that they mean a lot to me. Why can't they just understand my pain. When I think of all this, I do understand that, you can never force anyone to stay and love you forever. Love and Life just moves on and life does find a way. When you do matter a lot to that person, I guess you'd just know it from their eyes.

During my University days, when I used to spend my best of days with my closest of friends, there are moments, when some of them have held my hand and said "No matter what happens, I will always be there for you"... Well it so happens that, we all make a choice somehow. What ever that choice is, it sometimes is so hard to understand its depth. They say, "Though we aren't able to control the people that we meet, we sometimes do have control over who we want to stay with". It so happens that sometimes, even if you try the most to keep a friend with you, it so happens that there comes a rift so sleek that all you can do is hopelessly watch it get bigger as each day passes. Without words, without smiles, without the slightest of emotions shared, you will see this right moving farther and farther away from you and one day you will see your friend so far away from you that he or she would no longer be able to even hear your words, and beyond that moment, am sure nothing can sometimes set things right. Its like a crack on a glass-wall; its done and done forever.

As I grew up in my life, I know how many people have moved away and on how many I have done the same thing. There have been moments where I forced people to stay, telling them how much they mean to me, and there have been moments where I've told people to leave because its the end of the road. As we mature, we come to realize that there is a point in all our lives when we have to be strong and willing to let people go. Sometimes people you meet in your life come in for various reasons, some come because they find you attractive, some come because your make their life worthwhile, some come since you give them what they lost. Some will try and judge you, condemn you, and there are some who will stay just to reap the benefits of your achievements. The point is who ever these people are, you have the choice to retain them or loose them. And time can only be your partner is saying what really happens.

As it goes, when you think of friends, specially closest ones you know they'll be there every single second of your life. You know they look up at you at all times, thinking, hoping and wishing the best to happen in your life just like you think for them. I like friends like that, who stand by and don't leave. Friends who you can trust your life with. Share your darkest secrets and still feel free, spend time and still have no track of time. Be there shoulder to shoulder and who promise to stand by you for all what you are, and for all what you've been for them. I am someone who goes that extra mile to share the best of my love for friends I have, I honor their very presence, and love them unconditionally because I know they will stand and be there when I need them most in my life. But sometimes it so happens that when there comes a point in life when you see them drift away in this world of never endings, you feel that you no longer matter to them as much as you did before.

When I listen to the word, "I am busy, can we talk later?" I just feel wrecked and weak. Its a symbol of brokenness that comes when two people don't matter to each other anymore. Busy is just a parenthesis, when someone has better things to do, than spend time with the other person. Its a genuine way of saying, your wasting my time. Well, I'd say, busy is just a damn word. Its all about importance and priorities. When your important to someone, you will never stop thinking to leave the world aside and come for them. Yes, if you really matter to someone, that person will always have time for you. No excuses, no lies; and no broken promises. Sometimes the hardest decisions of our lives are to whether stay and try harder or take your memories and walk away for good.

As for me, I don't have regrets. I will try my best to let my friends and loved ones know that I love them unconditionally and that I will always have time for them, come what may. I know this ever changing world will bring in a hundred more challenges to eat up time, but in the corner of my heart, I know where each of them stand, and I will make it up for them. But will they do the same thing for me; only time will tell.

And this to the world I so love, this is for all of you : In your lifetime you will find and meet people who will love you more than anybody you've ever known and will know. They will love you with every single thing they've got and with the best of their soul. They will sacrifice, surrender and abuse themselves and yet give you so much more that it scares you. Someday you'll understand it as love and someday you'll get to know who it was.

Don't let go of that moment!


Sakshi Nanda said…
"Do they love us for who we are, or do they love us for what we are to them." - That existential question. I love this post - for it's honesty,gravity and a charmingly poetic ring to it.

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